America, I realize we're busy trying to figure out what we're going to do with our slightly broken down country right now and we clearly have a lot on our plate. I don't even need to go into detail, because when I'm living in Texas that's very clear illustration that things are not going well. Unfortunately with all this chaos and ethnocentrism we're missing the bigger picture - Uranus is under attack and just because good ol' W is probably sitting in a big room somewhere counting all his money, doesn't mean we can't Cowboy up.
We've never been the type to just sit back and allow a country to get pillaged, even when it's by their own government. So why now when another member of our solar system needs us are we just sitting back and letting it happen? You're probably one of those "sane" individuals that think Uranus is not governed at all; don't want to be the crazy one at the party bringing up politics (look Dude we didn't come here to talk about politics, we just want to have a good time and chill). Really? Well I'm here to tell you that Uranus when properly maintained is a finally tuned machine. It's sensitive to it's environment and it can clearly decipher between a gas, a liquid or a solid. For all you know Uranus is being invaded right now and by the time you get the headlines all you can do is just prey. And if you thought the topic alone give you an itch, just wait 'til that problem is real. Yeah, now we're talking about Uranus on fire. Do you want that?
And I've heard all the excuses about how you don't have the equipment to see Uranus, and that you think it can only be seen at night. Isn't it a fact that you only choose to look at night? Wait a second, I thought that Uranus is the Greek god of the sky; shouldn't that mean it's visible all day long. So no more excuses! If Sarah Palin can keep a check on Russia (Russia!) from her backyard (backyard!), you want to tell me that you can't check on Uranus from your bedroom? So I'm tired of the excuses, because they're all pretty much like... well... Youranus. Maybe we need to stop squandering the facts. Hemorrhoids (piles) aren't varicose veins their a critical part to what has become a faulty trap door.
You see there's many things that can effect Youranus. Are you washing too much? Too little? Do you use the right product? What about the wiping department? It's not a scrubbing contest, nor are you sanding down wood floors. I hate to point out the obvious, but cheap toilet paper is for cheap assholes. Don't cheapen your anus. Believe me I've seen a prolapsed pile and I've seen a prolapsed anus (not my own) and nothing can erase that Kodak moment from my mind. I wish I could at least file that image away in storage, but it's like a screen saver that gets activated at odd times of the year, usually when I let my guard down. I bet it happened to Palin when she hit the campaign trail. That's usually when the pain and sorrow begins. The physical aspect of it alone is enough to send any man into a Tourette storm, but it's the emotional element that gets you. Those are scars that may never heal.
So take some good advice from one of my new favorite doctors, Dr Phil Hammond (an MD Dr Phil, not some clown who talks about throwing Jell-O to a wall). He's got some good advice and catchy phrases that will cause you to think twice before storming back into that board room the next time you think you got up and left with unfinished business.
Enjoy...
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Orientate this (Day 1 on the job)...
Look pal you can teach me about cultural sensitivity all you want, but what about my needs? According to the video I just watched the white male is the only perpetrator. So why don't you just show the video to us before you start filling everybody with ideas. Then they'll be like - my last boss called me that all the time I didn't know I could sue him? OR you mean I could've slapped away my bosses hand...
You thought I wouldn't catch that one did you. In your video even when the white man is the prey he's also the predator. And they always gotta up it. Next year will have a dude just yelling at himself in the mirror while the narrarator says, "Bob here had a rough day, but just because you have a rough day doesn't mean you have the right to tear yourself a new nostril, or simply combine the two into one. If you're not careful you may be the victim of your own insensitvities.".
My people did not take a boat ride many generations ago to come here and be portrayed as the evils perps. We're the good white people that escaped the evil tyranny of the damn dirty English and frankly I'm tired of being attacked. I don't have crooked teeth and some hideous accent that makes me sound pompous.
But seriously, I'm pretty sure if I'm going to perform the duties to my job and meet any of the criteria in those orientation videos simultaneously, I will have to remain completely silent my entire shift. Is that even feasible for a nurse? I mean can I really nurse it up to the fullest with out talking? Don't answer that, I'm not done. The problem here is sometimes silence can hurt too. How would that look if every time I walked by someone unfamiliar and I'm getting ready to say something, but then I stop because I realize that what I'm about to say may be misconstrued, so I don't talk, but my mouth is half open and I don't want to look like a(n) (insert culturally sensitive noun here)? So instead I immediately break eye contact stare at the ground and keep walking. How would that person feel? Now not only have I committed an insensitive act, but I have left them standing and armed and pissed and I've indirectly caused what will most likely be a great long chain of insensitive events, when the offended chooses to point out that I am a (insert culturally insensitive nouns). It's a good thing we covered all the codes to call in emergency type situation, cuz trouble she's arisin'. What was the code for I just caused a massive clusterfluff of mess within my first 5 minutes on the floor? Code rainbow? Rainbow in the sensitive all colors inclusive kind of way and not the abhorrent type. When did the judicial system hijack our rainbows anyways?
Now calm down I didn't mean to worry everybody, the thought of me causing such mass chaos not only violates the ethic code of maleficence that they cram up your (insert orifice here - NO, not your orifice) all up and down nursing school, but it is all based on the premise that there is some sort of red tape processing words before they leave my mouth as I speak. You see the normal person communicates like this:
Male: thought -> reason (filter) -> speaks
Female: thought -> reason -> re-think - what would make this sound more evil or chaotic or illogical ->(evil potion is brewed) -> speaks
But I've always been one for efficiency, ergonomics, and saving time
Me: thought -> speak (I've totally cut out the middle man)
Some may refer to this as having "no filter", but what do we use filters for anyways? Water with too much sediment and microbes, improve indoor air quality, filter the dirty grimy air before entering an engine, filter the oil full of debris circulating in the engine, viscous IV fluids, filters for wound vacs so they don't get clogged with hyperstinky discharge...
But what if your mind was a natural spring of pure thought? You do awesome things like tear the backspace key off your keyboard. You don't apologize for giving a non prescribed, but much needed dose of the truth. Nor do you demand apology from those who should apologize for misinterpreting your words, that while possibly offensive in nature, should be waived their offensiveness because they are in fact unquestionable - no sugar added offensive in some nature and thus serving a greater purpose. How about instead of complaining - so and so called me a (drop the bomb you earned it) you just say I'm glad he called me that, I always thought I was "just another" colleague.
So I set off determined to be a corporate man. After 8 hours of sitting on my cheeks and becoming culturally competent and listening to who knows what else, I decided to do a practice run on the way home and see if I could be culturally sensitive (it's even harder than I made it sound). I made it all the way to the highway (at least 90 seconds) and merged on the highway. Then, I got stuck behind some (adjective noun) who wouldn't move his (adjective adjective noun) so I honked my horn because where I come from we try to go a little faster than 40 on the (adjective noun adjective) highway. I couldn't go around him because some other (adjective noun adjective noun - double combo 20 points) wouldn't move his (adjective noun). And so on... adjective... noun...
Point is lets calm it down a little bit Amirhika...
*Reference:
Maleficence [mahl-eh-fee-shins]
< Latin of male > bad + < English of feces > made of poo: 1 Pertaining to making bad poo, 2 having come from a land of stinky poo, 3 ability to clear a room
*you might just want to google it. In fact it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead fact check this entire post. Yeah, I think I even mispelled America. Oh look at that I misspelled mispelled.
You thought I wouldn't catch that one did you. In your video even when the white man is the prey he's also the predator. And they always gotta up it. Next year will have a dude just yelling at himself in the mirror while the narrarator says, "Bob here had a rough day, but just because you have a rough day doesn't mean you have the right to tear yourself a new nostril, or simply combine the two into one. If you're not careful you may be the victim of your own insensitvities.".
My people did not take a boat ride many generations ago to come here and be portrayed as the evils perps. We're the good white people that escaped the evil tyranny of the damn dirty English and frankly I'm tired of being attacked. I don't have crooked teeth and some hideous accent that makes me sound pompous.
But seriously, I'm pretty sure if I'm going to perform the duties to my job and meet any of the criteria in those orientation videos simultaneously, I will have to remain completely silent my entire shift. Is that even feasible for a nurse? I mean can I really nurse it up to the fullest with out talking? Don't answer that, I'm not done. The problem here is sometimes silence can hurt too. How would that look if every time I walked by someone unfamiliar and I'm getting ready to say something, but then I stop because I realize that what I'm about to say may be misconstrued, so I don't talk, but my mouth is half open and I don't want to look like a(n) (insert culturally sensitive noun here)? So instead I immediately break eye contact stare at the ground and keep walking. How would that person feel? Now not only have I committed an insensitive act, but I have left them standing and armed and pissed and I've indirectly caused what will most likely be a great long chain of insensitive events, when the offended chooses to point out that I am a (insert culturally insensitive nouns). It's a good thing we covered all the codes to call in emergency type situation, cuz trouble she's arisin'. What was the code for I just caused a massive clusterfluff of mess within my first 5 minutes on the floor? Code rainbow? Rainbow in the sensitive all colors inclusive kind of way and not the abhorrent type. When did the judicial system hijack our rainbows anyways?
Now calm down I didn't mean to worry everybody, the thought of me causing such mass chaos not only violates the ethic code of maleficence that they cram up your (insert orifice here - NO, not your orifice) all up and down nursing school, but it is all based on the premise that there is some sort of red tape processing words before they leave my mouth as I speak. You see the normal person communicates like this:
Male: thought -> reason (filter) -> speaks
Female: thought -> reason -> re-think - what would make this sound more evil or chaotic or illogical ->(evil potion is brewed) -> speaks
But I've always been one for efficiency, ergonomics, and saving time
Me: thought -> speak (I've totally cut out the middle man)
Some may refer to this as having "no filter", but what do we use filters for anyways? Water with too much sediment and microbes, improve indoor air quality, filter the dirty grimy air before entering an engine, filter the oil full of debris circulating in the engine, viscous IV fluids, filters for wound vacs so they don't get clogged with hyperstinky discharge...
But what if your mind was a natural spring of pure thought? You do awesome things like tear the backspace key off your keyboard. You don't apologize for giving a non prescribed, but much needed dose of the truth. Nor do you demand apology from those who should apologize for misinterpreting your words, that while possibly offensive in nature, should be waived their offensiveness because they are in fact unquestionable - no sugar added offensive in some nature and thus serving a greater purpose. How about instead of complaining - so and so called me a (drop the bomb you earned it) you just say I'm glad he called me that, I always thought I was "just another" colleague.
So I set off determined to be a corporate man. After 8 hours of sitting on my cheeks and becoming culturally competent and listening to who knows what else, I decided to do a practice run on the way home and see if I could be culturally sensitive (it's even harder than I made it sound). I made it all the way to the highway (at least 90 seconds) and merged on the highway. Then, I got stuck behind some (adjective noun) who wouldn't move his (adjective adjective noun) so I honked my horn because where I come from we try to go a little faster than 40 on the (adjective noun adjective) highway. I couldn't go around him because some other (adjective noun adjective noun - double combo 20 points) wouldn't move his (adjective noun). And so on... adjective... noun...
Point is lets calm it down a little bit Amirhika...
*Reference:
Maleficence [mahl-eh-fee-shins]
< Latin of male > bad + < English of feces > made of poo: 1 Pertaining to making bad poo, 2 having come from a land of stinky poo, 3 ability to clear a room
*you might just want to google it. In fact it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead fact check this entire post. Yeah, I think I even mispelled America. Oh look at that I misspelled mispelled.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
I say pseudo, you say...
There's something about San Antonio that really brings out the flu like symptoms in me. I've been here a month and a half now and I've been sick the whole time. Maybe my mind keeps reminding me that I'm in Texas and that thought alone makes me sick. So the other day a baseball must've found its way into my sinuses, causing need to go to another place that my mind confuses as the devil's own dominion (Walmart). I've been battling this cold for a while now, but I feel like someone rufied me and took me to get my brain pierced (all the cool kids are doing it now). I immediately go for the Sudafed isle to find that now even the smallest packages of Sudafed have been taken off the shelf and put back behind the pharmacy desk. Now I'm no drug dealer and I've only seen season 1 of Breaking Bad, but I'm pretty sure that in order to cook up meth you need a LOT of pseudoephedrine. So what is with every last pill getting put behind the pharmacy desk?!?! Another thing that I'm not is a doctor, but I do understand that there are other other decongestants such as guaifenesin (active ingredient in Musinex) or a powerful cocktail with ibuprofen, caffeine, benadryl, musinex, phenylephine (pseudo-pseudoephedrine), and diphenhydramine. Really you can get all those goods between 2 different pills and have a decongesting snot rocket machine. Even a Red Bull and 3 Monster drinks could do the trick. The problem is I know the power of pseudoephedrine and not only does it work just as good and maybe slightly better than any other decongestant, but now even the lowest dose of it is behind the counter which can only mean that it's THAT good.
If you don't believe me go to the zoo. They don't put the Lions out on the walkways to just stroll around with the public, they put out harmless peacocks that show you a fan of beautiful feathers when you get too close. The Lions are several feet down and on the other side of a ravine so that it is nearly impossible to pet them. That way if you take a kid to the zoo that's been backtalkin' in excess you're going to have a harder time teaching him a well deserved lesson at the zoo, then you might by using other evil schemes. Don't judge me, your the one with the kid who's mouth you can't control.
My point is, when there is a government mandated barrier between consumer and product it's because of a potential to do serious damage or, more likely, a conspiracy (we don't have time to get into this today). So when my sinuses are pushing my eyeballs out of my head I need a recipe for disaster to combat this ugliness. The type of recipe that is soooo good, it's dangerous.
The whole problem with the barrier is that Sudafed is out of reach because of its potential to be combined with other household items and create something that will make you trip your balls off for 2 days straight, not because of its ability to dominate the common cold. But the marketing masterminds that be have me thinking it's the later (maybe we will touch on conspiracy just a little bit).
So I know I want the good stuff, but I don't want to look like the type that wants the good stuff for bad reasons. So you're suppose to roll up to the pharmacy and ask for Sudafed while at the same time not looking like a tweaker that's about to loose it if he doesn't get the smallest amount of Sudafed to cook up some meth. What are the symptoms of a cold/flu? What are the symptoms of crashing after smoking meth for a week? Is there a difference? So you prepare to go through the daunting task of acquiring Pseudo.
It doesn't help if you swear you see the pharmacy tech putting on a glove that runs all the way up to his elbow while at the same time winking at you, followed by a fake gun blast with that gloved hand. Please tell my he has a bottle of KY.
Stay cool, they are not on to you... oh crap, that guy behind me keeps putting his finger to his ear, he could be undercover DEA... they lady in the motorized cart looks suspicious too, because I saw her walk in here and then use the cart and that never happens here (damn! why do they let just anybody ride in the motorized cart)... Why does she need my ID?...
15 minutes later, box in hand you walk out of Walmart with your head down in shame like you've just been riding a horse all day. You forget why you went in there in the first place. Wife's waiting in the care, "did you get what you needed, Hunny?"
"Yes, can we just go!" tear... tear...
Hey meth heads, THANK YOU for the inconvenience of treating a common cold. I hope you forget that you shouldn't smoke in your lab next time you light up so you can do us all a favor.
If you don't believe me go to the zoo. They don't put the Lions out on the walkways to just stroll around with the public, they put out harmless peacocks that show you a fan of beautiful feathers when you get too close. The Lions are several feet down and on the other side of a ravine so that it is nearly impossible to pet them. That way if you take a kid to the zoo that's been backtalkin' in excess you're going to have a harder time teaching him a well deserved lesson at the zoo, then you might by using other evil schemes. Don't judge me, your the one with the kid who's mouth you can't control.
My point is, when there is a government mandated barrier between consumer and product it's because of a potential to do serious damage or, more likely, a conspiracy (we don't have time to get into this today). So when my sinuses are pushing my eyeballs out of my head I need a recipe for disaster to combat this ugliness. The type of recipe that is soooo good, it's dangerous.
The whole problem with the barrier is that Sudafed is out of reach because of its potential to be combined with other household items and create something that will make you trip your balls off for 2 days straight, not because of its ability to dominate the common cold. But the marketing masterminds that be have me thinking it's the later (maybe we will touch on conspiracy just a little bit).
So I know I want the good stuff, but I don't want to look like the type that wants the good stuff for bad reasons. So you're suppose to roll up to the pharmacy and ask for Sudafed while at the same time not looking like a tweaker that's about to loose it if he doesn't get the smallest amount of Sudafed to cook up some meth. What are the symptoms of a cold/flu? What are the symptoms of crashing after smoking meth for a week? Is there a difference? So you prepare to go through the daunting task of acquiring Pseudo.
It doesn't help if you swear you see the pharmacy tech putting on a glove that runs all the way up to his elbow while at the same time winking at you, followed by a fake gun blast with that gloved hand. Please tell my he has a bottle of KY.
Stay cool, they are not on to you... oh crap, that guy behind me keeps putting his finger to his ear, he could be undercover DEA... they lady in the motorized cart looks suspicious too, because I saw her walk in here and then use the cart and that never happens here (damn! why do they let just anybody ride in the motorized cart)... Why does she need my ID?...
15 minutes later, box in hand you walk out of Walmart with your head down in shame like you've just been riding a horse all day. You forget why you went in there in the first place. Wife's waiting in the care, "did you get what you needed, Hunny?"
"Yes, can we just go!" tear... tear...
Hey meth heads, THANK YOU for the inconvenience of treating a common cold. I hope you forget that you shouldn't smoke in your lab next time you light up so you can do us all a favor.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Romeostasis...
In case the point hasn't been made clear yet, I'm a brave young lad in a world of endless possibilities fighting a little something that I like to call reverse sexism. Maybe your unfamiliar with this term because you're too busy praising Hillary Clinton for her pant suit collection or you're fist bumping all your lady friends every time Lady Gaga wins a Grammy or you're one of those who quotes Oprah to your husband all day telling him he just doesn't get it because he doesn't have a vajayjay; but I'm here to tell you an is under attack. Don't roll your eyes this isn't a crybaby session, it's just setting the record straight. It's important that you know I am a man in a female dominated industry with a wife and three daughters. Yeah, I said it, I live in a freaking minefield. But don't be comin' to me with that over obvious Oprah nonsense cuz I take care a bizness.
Now the biggest trick about being in my situation is keeping that desperate grasp on reality. Don't ever let them make you believe that you're the crazy one (you is me, it's part of the pep talk I give myself in the morning while I flex my pecks one by one [left side's always stronger]). I'm not asking for a bunch of praise, but you (reader) need to know that I am the gravity that binds together the little universe that is my home and work. You see I'm not a sexist by choice, I am the way I am because I'm a responsible individual who must maintain homeostasis. When you're bleeding uncontrollably or sweating every last drop of water from your body, there are mechanism in place to keep you from crashing. As your blood pressure drops from lack of fluid your heart starts to beat faster to make up for that loss and keep oxygen flowing to your brain and other vital organs like the heart itself. Every time I leave my house the pressure drops just a little bit. Kidneys are like the man of the body, they see a potentially dangerous situation and realize the body is losing fluid and say - I can't keep making urine, I've got to hold on to all the fluid I've got. Then in a heroic sacrificial move the kidneys release ADH and shut down, knowing that there is no point in them running at all because they need blood to run, blood that is now a precious resource. So a man says "I can't try to reason with these ladies because they just keep telling me, 'you don't even care do you?' or 'are you even listening?' or 'doesn't that make you so mad at her'." At this point the man wants to say "actually I have no clue why your upset over this why don't you just punch Cindy in the face or ignore her, end of story, who cares anyways?" or "yes I'd love to strangle my brother-in-law, not only for being a jackass but such a big one that I have to hear about it every day; which in turn makes it extremely difficult for me to transition toward sexual advances when a man is on the chopping block even if he's a major d-bag and I am not". But since man can't say what he wants, he's thinking - where's the nearest exit and how do I get there without causing further damage and not having to face repercussions in the future; please phone, doorbell, eggtimer, something!!! ring!!! so that I can bolt. So to put it blunt, he's not listening. Because the man like the kidneys realizes he can't do anything and in this particular situation shutting down seems like the best idea until a nurse stops the bleeding. All the while young females in the sitting nearby hushing, listening, laughing, plotting (ahHaha...wahHaha...)
Now I have to be the nurse and the kidneys, when I'm suppose to be nursing the kidneys (nursing in the vocational sense not the lactational sense - I feel like those verbs get mixed up a lot). Do you see where I'm coming from ladies? Have your mind gaming little brains wrapped around the concept yet? All I gotta a say is this kidneys runnin' strong...
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Whistleblowers blow...
So at an unexplained turn of events I managed to graduate, pass the NCLEX, and get a job. Now before we all get to crazy let's set some ground rules. Look (you better be looking at something real good and serious every time I say look on thishereblog, because there are no filler words onlywordsofpower), you know as well as I do that everybody and their sister is going to be talking about my blog around the water cooler at work... scratch that nurses need to keep the appearance of business and live up to the legend that we have no time to stop and eat or drink anything. So you'll probably be updating each other as you run to the next CODE BLUE or while your cosigning as you draw up some insulin. Point is this is gonna be BIG. What we have to remember is that while the nursing shortage appears to be somewhat of a myth, there is no myth about the overabundance of whistleblowers and paranoids (mostly due to the whistleblowers, or the whistleblowerblowers - those are the ones who pre-blow) the point is they all blow and there's a lot of them. It is my theory that there are far more whistleblowerblowers than actual, well, blowers of the whistle.
You've heard it all throughout school and in the work place: guard your license, don't post anything on facebook, DO NOT blog about nursing, hipaa HIPAA hipaa, don't take a picture of your scrubs as you burn them and put them directly on facebook because the school will see their emblem while their spies are tracking down your FB page since that's what spies do all day and then inform the board of nursing who will then blacklist you and you won't ever get your license but you will have to pay all your school loans. Ok, that last one seemed really specific and kind of forced like the whole sentence was just missing all punctuation. Point is I'm outta eyeball-ball-bearing grease, I literally have rolled my eyeballs into a rusty mess and can't even react to some of the wild accusations about theories of the intentions of potential accusers of minor torts that may or may not have even been committed. Is anybody recording this? Where does all the paranoia come from anyways? Is it the narcotic abuse (don't get me started on that. I can already hear the whistle blowing or maybe my four year old is snoring in the other room again). The sad part is that this crap is engrained in school of nursing (eyes up hear when I say nursing onthisblog I didn't get the job as lactation specialist), and it has been my experience (from mental health class) that paranoia is suppose to be a symptom of drug abuse, not a risk factor for potential drug-ees. No wonder there is such a problem in the industry, nursing schools are producing drug addicts that haven't even been exposed to the substance yet. Actually when you consider the stress factor that schools produce, which is a risk factor for drug abuse, I'm probably on to something. Oh well, I don't have time to make a breakthrough right now I only went on that tangent to prove a point.
And where was I? hmm... ah, yes! I feel like every time I pick up my stethoscope I'm on the front line in trench warfare and I can't effectively do anything because everyone's shouting "coveryourass" and from what I hear it's nearly impossible to both coveryourass and be a critical thinker (trigger word) or a risk taker (there should be a cash register sound going off in your head right now). Besides have you even seen my ass? I can't walk through a nursing home without the ladies in asking me to pick up items off the ground for them. Yeah, I get it your back hurts (all lies!), your in a wheelchair (so is the lady at Walmart but she'll get out and reach for that top shelf item if no one's looking or ask me to if I'm around - damn! it happens there too!). Point is some real estate is built for both speed and pleasure, and need not be covered.
So with all that said I think that we can agree that there will be no narcs within the vicinity of this blog. And the minute you hear someone threatening to narc, or even worse, warning about a narc threat you must instantly raise the stakes. Tell said narc that we'll all go down via a little something called guilty-by-association, because if there's one thing I've learned about watching dozens of detective series you don't snitch on your partner. And if you're reading this thread you are my partner...
And if you partner up I'll go ahead and promise not to violate any laws that weren't meant to be broken nor will I share personal information, nor will I do anything that would cause any physical or irreversible mental harm.
Mostly I'm a safe alternative to crack...
(I do have to disclose that I'm not FDA approved as "a safe alternative to crack", nor am I approved by the FDA for "anything" and in most cases you should consult your physician before "listening" to me - after all they deserve it they've got a "lot" more schooling to pay off)
You've heard it all throughout school and in the work place: guard your license, don't post anything on facebook, DO NOT blog about nursing, hipaa HIPAA hipaa, don't take a picture of your scrubs as you burn them and put them directly on facebook because the school will see their emblem while their spies are tracking down your FB page since that's what spies do all day and then inform the board of nursing who will then blacklist you and you won't ever get your license but you will have to pay all your school loans. Ok, that last one seemed really specific and kind of forced like the whole sentence was just missing all punctuation. Point is I'm outta eyeball-ball-bearing grease, I literally have rolled my eyeballs into a rusty mess and can't even react to some of the wild accusations about theories of the intentions of potential accusers of minor torts that may or may not have even been committed. Is anybody recording this? Where does all the paranoia come from anyways? Is it the narcotic abuse (don't get me started on that. I can already hear the whistle blowing or maybe my four year old is snoring in the other room again). The sad part is that this crap is engrained in school of nursing (eyes up hear when I say nursing onthisblog I didn't get the job as lactation specialist), and it has been my experience (from mental health class) that paranoia is suppose to be a symptom of drug abuse, not a risk factor for potential drug-ees. No wonder there is such a problem in the industry, nursing schools are producing drug addicts that haven't even been exposed to the substance yet. Actually when you consider the stress factor that schools produce, which is a risk factor for drug abuse, I'm probably on to something. Oh well, I don't have time to make a breakthrough right now I only went on that tangent to prove a point.
And where was I? hmm... ah, yes! I feel like every time I pick up my stethoscope I'm on the front line in trench warfare and I can't effectively do anything because everyone's shouting "coveryourass" and from what I hear it's nearly impossible to both coveryourass and be a critical thinker (trigger word) or a risk taker (there should be a cash register sound going off in your head right now). Besides have you even seen my ass? I can't walk through a nursing home without the ladies in asking me to pick up items off the ground for them. Yeah, I get it your back hurts (all lies!), your in a wheelchair (so is the lady at Walmart but she'll get out and reach for that top shelf item if no one's looking or ask me to if I'm around - damn! it happens there too!). Point is some real estate is built for both speed and pleasure, and need not be covered.
So with all that said I think that we can agree that there will be no narcs within the vicinity of this blog. And the minute you hear someone threatening to narc, or even worse, warning about a narc threat you must instantly raise the stakes. Tell said narc that we'll all go down via a little something called guilty-by-association, because if there's one thing I've learned about watching dozens of detective series you don't snitch on your partner. And if you're reading this thread you are my partner...
And if you partner up I'll go ahead and promise not to violate any laws that weren't meant to be broken nor will I share personal information, nor will I do anything that would cause any physical or irreversible mental harm.
Mostly I'm a safe alternative to crack...
(I do have to disclose that I'm not FDA approved as "a safe alternative to crack", nor am I approved by the FDA for "anything" and in most cases you should consult your physician before "listening" to me - after all they deserve it they've got a "lot" more schooling to pay off)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Flowing through the veins...
What's happenin' fellow nurses, murses, student nurses, and those who just like some good wholesome learnin'. I've done this whole blog thing before, I had a good run (see for yourself), then it all faded in the name of nursing school. I'm happy to report (with fingers crossed) I will be graduating in June, holla'! So when you factor in the imaginary nursing shortage, I could be comin' at ya intravenous-like in a hospital near you sometime before... 2013? Oh and by the way, hey media just in: thanks for telling the world to flow into the nursing education establishments of America because there are so few to go around - shortage cured, no jobs now. Don't patronize me either by telling me that the shortage is on the way.
Wo, wo, where did that short order of spicy come from. I apologize for the voices in my head already, I intend to keep this bloggage on the up and up. I think it is time for me to unveil a mission statement for this blog. So with out further adieu, I'm going to go ahead and come forward and say: mission is yet to be determined. I'm not a big fan of labels and purpose anyways. If anything lets just let the meaning of life, economy, health care, obscure sexual positions, and friendship unravel before us as we take this journey. I will tell you right now that this could get messy. So grab your gown, mask, and gloves we bout to get freaky.
Anyways that's my intro and I'm sticking to it. It's kind of like the first day in any new lecture course, you sit and hear about the syllabus for a couple hours and don't even tickle the subject. My intro is much more to the point: I hope your hungry cause you bout to get served! We're going to make history and we will not stop until nursing is an Olympic event...
Wo, wo, where did that short order of spicy come from. I apologize for the voices in my head already, I intend to keep this bloggage on the up and up. I think it is time for me to unveil a mission statement for this blog. So with out further adieu, I'm going to go ahead and come forward and say: mission is yet to be determined. I'm not a big fan of labels and purpose anyways. If anything lets just let the meaning of life, economy, health care, obscure sexual positions, and friendship unravel before us as we take this journey. I will tell you right now that this could get messy. So grab your gown, mask, and gloves we bout to get freaky.
Anyways that's my intro and I'm sticking to it. It's kind of like the first day in any new lecture course, you sit and hear about the syllabus for a couple hours and don't even tickle the subject. My intro is much more to the point: I hope your hungry cause you bout to get served! We're going to make history and we will not stop until nursing is an Olympic event...
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