America, I realize we're busy trying to figure out what we're going to do with our slightly broken down country right now and we clearly have a lot on our plate. I don't even need to go into detail, because when I'm living in Texas that's very clear illustration that things are not going well. Unfortunately with all this chaos and ethnocentrism we're missing the bigger picture - Uranus is under attack and just because good ol' W is probably sitting in a big room somewhere counting all his money, doesn't mean we can't Cowboy up.
We've never been the type to just sit back and allow a country to get pillaged, even when it's by their own government. So why now when another member of our solar system needs us are we just sitting back and letting it happen? You're probably one of those "sane" individuals that think Uranus is not governed at all; don't want to be the crazy one at the party bringing up politics (look Dude we didn't come here to talk about politics, we just want to have a good time and chill). Really? Well I'm here to tell you that Uranus when properly maintained is a finally tuned machine. It's sensitive to it's environment and it can clearly decipher between a gas, a liquid or a solid. For all you know Uranus is being invaded right now and by the time you get the headlines all you can do is just prey. And if you thought the topic alone give you an itch, just wait 'til that problem is real. Yeah, now we're talking about Uranus on fire. Do you want that?
And I've heard all the excuses about how you don't have the equipment to see Uranus, and that you think it can only be seen at night. Isn't it a fact that you only choose to look at night? Wait a second, I thought that Uranus is the Greek god of the sky; shouldn't that mean it's visible all day long. So no more excuses! If Sarah Palin can keep a check on Russia (Russia!) from her backyard (backyard!), you want to tell me that you can't check on Uranus from your bedroom? So I'm tired of the excuses, because they're all pretty much like... well... Youranus. Maybe we need to stop squandering the facts. Hemorrhoids (piles) aren't varicose veins their a critical part to what has become a faulty trap door.
You see there's many things that can effect Youranus. Are you washing too much? Too little? Do you use the right product? What about the wiping department? It's not a scrubbing contest, nor are you sanding down wood floors. I hate to point out the obvious, but cheap toilet paper is for cheap assholes. Don't cheapen your anus. Believe me I've seen a prolapsed pile and I've seen a prolapsed anus (not my own) and nothing can erase that Kodak moment from my mind. I wish I could at least file that image away in storage, but it's like a screen saver that gets activated at odd times of the year, usually when I let my guard down. I bet it happened to Palin when she hit the campaign trail. That's usually when the pain and sorrow begins. The physical aspect of it alone is enough to send any man into a Tourette storm, but it's the emotional element that gets you. Those are scars that may never heal.
So take some good advice from one of my new favorite doctors, Dr Phil Hammond (an MD Dr Phil, not some clown who talks about throwing Jell-O to a wall). He's got some good advice and catchy phrases that will cause you to think twice before storming back into that board room the next time you think you got up and left with unfinished business.
Enjoy...
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