Whistleblowers blow...

So at an unexplained turn of events I managed to graduate, pass the NCLEX, and get a job.  Now before we all get to crazy let's set some ground rules.  Look (you better be looking at something real good and serious every time I say look on thishereblog, because there are no filler words onlywordsofpower), you know as well as I do that everybody and their sister is going to be talking about my blog around the water cooler at work... scratch that nurses need to keep the appearance of business and live up to the legend that we have no time to stop and eat or drink anything.  So you'll probably be updating each other as you run to the next CODE BLUE or while your cosigning as you draw up some insulin.  Point is this is gonna be BIG.  What we have to remember is that while the nursing shortage appears to be somewhat of a myth, there is no myth about the overabundance of whistleblowers and paranoids (mostly due to the whistleblowers, or the whistleblowerblowers - those are the ones who pre-blow)  the point is they all blow and there's a lot of them.  It is my theory that there are far more whistleblowerblowers than actual, well, blowers of the whistle.

You've heard it all throughout school and in the work place: guard your license, don't post anything on facebook, DO NOT blog about nursing, hipaa HIPAA hipaa, don't take a picture of your scrubs as you burn them and put them directly on facebook because the school will see their emblem while their spies are tracking down your FB page since that's what spies do all day and then inform the board of nursing who will then blacklist you and you won't ever get your license but you will have to pay all your school loans.  Ok, that last one seemed really specific and kind of forced like the whole sentence was just missing all punctuation.  Point is I'm outta eyeball-ball-bearing grease, I literally have rolled my eyeballs into a rusty mess and can't even react to some of the wild accusations about theories of the intentions of potential accusers of minor torts that may or may not have even been committed.  Is anybody recording this?  Where does all the paranoia come from anyways?  Is it the narcotic abuse (don't get me started on that.  I can already hear the whistle blowing or maybe my four year old is snoring in the other room again).  The sad part is that this crap is engrained in school of nursing (eyes up hear when I say nursing onthisblog I didn't get the job as lactation specialist), and it has been my experience (from mental health class) that paranoia is suppose to be a symptom of drug abuse, not a risk factor for potential drug-ees.  No wonder there is such a problem in the industry, nursing schools are producing drug addicts that haven't even been exposed to the substance yet.  Actually when you consider the stress factor that schools produce, which is a risk factor for drug abuse, I'm probably on to something.  Oh well, I don't have time to make a breakthrough right now I only went on that tangent to prove a point.

And where was I?  hmm...  ah, yes! I feel like every time I pick up my stethoscope I'm on the front line in trench warfare and I can't effectively do anything because everyone's shouting "coveryourass" and from what I hear it's nearly impossible to both coveryourass and be a critical thinker (trigger word) or a risk taker (there should be a cash register sound going off in your head right now).  Besides have you even seen my ass?  I can't walk through a nursing home without the ladies in asking me to pick up items off the ground for them.  Yeah, I get it your back hurts (all lies!), your in a wheelchair (so is the lady at Walmart but she'll get out and reach for that top shelf item if no one's looking or ask me to if I'm around - damn! it happens there too!).  Point is some real estate is built for both speed and pleasure, and need not be covered.

So with all that said I think that we can agree that there will be no narcs within the vicinity of this blog.  And the minute you hear someone threatening to narc, or even worse, warning about a narc threat you must instantly raise the stakes.  Tell said narc that we'll all go down via a little something called guilty-by-association, because if there's one thing I've learned about watching dozens of detective series you don't snitch on your partner.  And if you're reading this thread you are my partner...
And if you partner up I'll go ahead and promise not to violate any laws that weren't meant to be broken nor will I share personal information, nor will I do anything that would cause any physical or irreversible mental harm.

Mostly I'm a safe alternative to crack...

(I do have to disclose that I'm not FDA approved as "a safe alternative to crack", nor am I approved by the FDA for "anything" and in most cases you should consult your physician before "listening" to me - after all they deserve it they've got a "lot" more schooling to pay off)