Romeostasis...

In case the point hasn't been made clear yet, I'm a brave young lad in a world of endless possibilities fighting a little something that I like to call reverse sexism.  Maybe your unfamiliar with this term because you're too busy praising Hillary Clinton for her pant suit collection or you're fist bumping all your lady friends every time Lady Gaga wins a Grammy or you're one of those who quotes Oprah to your husband all day telling him he just doesn't get it because he doesn't have a vajayjay; but I'm here to tell you an is under attack.  Don't roll your eyes this isn't a crybaby session, it's just setting the record straight.  It's important that you know I am a man in a female dominated industry with a wife and three daughters.  Yeah, I said it, I live in a freaking minefield.  But don't be comin' to me with that over obvious Oprah nonsense cuz I take care a bizness.

Now the biggest trick about being in my situation is keeping that desperate grasp on reality.  Don't ever let them make you believe that you're the crazy one (you is me, it's part of the pep talk I give myself in the morning while I flex my pecks one by one [left side's always stronger]).  I'm not asking for a bunch of praise, but you (reader) need to know that I am the gravity that binds together the little universe that is my home and work.  You see I'm not a sexist by choice, I am the way I am because I'm a responsible individual who must maintain homeostasis.  When you're bleeding uncontrollably or sweating every last drop of water from your body, there are mechanism in place to keep you from crashing.  As your blood pressure drops from lack of fluid your heart starts to beat faster to make up for that loss and keep oxygen flowing to your brain and other vital organs like the heart itself.  Every time I leave my house the pressure drops just a little bit.  Kidneys are like the man of the body,  they see a potentially dangerous situation and realize the body is losing fluid and say - I can't keep making urine, I've got to hold on to all the fluid I've got.  Then in a heroic sacrificial move the kidneys release ADH and shut down, knowing that there is no point in them running at all because they need blood to run, blood that is now a precious resource.   So a man says "I can't try to reason with these ladies because they just keep telling me, 'you don't even care do you?' or 'are you even listening?' or 'doesn't that make you so mad at her'."  At this point the man wants to say "actually I have no clue why your upset over this why don't you just punch Cindy in the face or ignore her, end of story, who cares anyways?" or "yes I'd love to strangle my brother-in-law, not only for being a jackass but such a big one that I have to hear about it every day; which in turn makes it extremely difficult for me to transition toward sexual advances when a man is on the chopping block even if he's a major d-bag and I am not".  But since man can't say what he wants, he's thinking - where's the nearest exit and how do I get there without causing further damage and not having to face repercussions in the future; please phone, doorbell, eggtimer, something!!! ring!!! so that I can bolt.  So to put it blunt, he's not listening.  Because the man like the kidneys realizes he can't do anything and in this particular situation shutting down seems like the best idea until a nurse stops the bleeding.  All the while young females in the sitting nearby hushing, listening, laughing, plotting (ahHaha...wahHaha...)

Now I have to be the nurse and the kidneys, when I'm suppose to be nursing the kidneys (nursing in the vocational sense not the lactational sense - I feel like those verbs get mixed up a lot).  Do you see where I'm coming from ladies?  Have your mind gaming little brains wrapped around the concept yet?  All I gotta a say is this kidneys runnin' strong...